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| Marriage: Before And After |
In one of the specially organised multi-cultural gatherings in the Bureau, one lady asked Mrs Verma why so many people turn up to her organisation for suitable matches. The reply was prompt when Mrs Verma said, "Our advertisement is very extensive within U.K. and abroad, and since we have a very large number of members, with varied qualifications and status, the search and selection of right partners become easy."
Through a good agency like 'Laj' with long professional experience in the matrimonial field, introductions are sent promptly, in U.K. and abroad, giving the 'two' the opportunity to discuss things over to find out if they can be best suited for the life-long union. This can be performed by phone, letters, email or by meeting to discuss face to face, with or without the involvement of the elders. Photos can be exchanged with each others' understanding on returnable basis and if views and ideas resemble, further contacts become automatic as the two souls become attracted towards each other.
Once they have found similarities, it is best advised that they contact each other a few more times to be very sure that most things are in common between them. On the other hand, if personalities and ways of thinking conflict, the matter ends there. Further introductions follow, the aim being to find that special person who fits in perfectly. In most instances, initial introductions are successful, whereby two unknown souls are united as husband and wife for a new and bright future ahead. And where perfection prevails, such marriages are very successful as the 'two' have found much in common and come to know each other with future plans already in front before starting living together.
Whereas in arranged marriages in Asian society when a partner is found by the elders through their own limited contacts, suitability and compatibility may be lacking. Parents of two families meet, satisfy themselves, arrange a meeting for the male and female to see and speak with each other and then preparations for the marriage start. They are not given much chance to see each other again. These 'arranged marriages' as we may call, do not bring happiness in life. After such marriages, difficulties may arise because of the possibility of differences in personalities of the 'two unknown souls' united as husband and wife without giving them enough time to know each other. When not much in common, though teamed up hurriedly as husband and wife through an arranged marriage, only two options are left: either live with controversies and arguments that will surround the rest of life, or live together as long as possible and then think of a divorce when things have gone too far and intolerable to carry on any further. But one has to remember that a divorce is the most terrifying thing to face, though so easy to think of in the beginning.
Widow, widower, divorced and separated people also join 'Laj' in a considerable number. A very special care is given to such people in the selection of the right partners. Since they already had a very rough time, every effort is made to help them find perfect partners to start a new and happy life afresh.
This remains as true today as it was when primitive ancestors entered into the first formal pact to guarantee companionship for each other and security and a home for their children. Marriage is primarily a survival mechanism for mankind in that it allows for the continuity of the race. Sushil, the managing partner, believes that respect for each other is a key ingredient to a successful marriage. Nothing can give greater strength to marriage ties than mutual devotion and co-operation to the end. Marriage is a life-long union, the selection of the partner should not be rushed. Marriage is sharing of everything, someone to be close to, to confide in, to reveal oneself, without fear, to be trustworthy in dealings and secrets of life. "Love between husband and wife", as Sushil explains, "Is sharing the joys and sorrows, accomplishments and failures, and to attain the common goals and reach them together." One should soberly consider the commitments made in marriage and keep to them. There is true beauty in a united family. Husband and wife must be one flesh. For the man there was to be no other woman, and for the woman, no other man.
While a wife has need for tenderness, affection and security from her husband, she should be a full partner, have deep respect for him, complement him in establishing a home and it calls for demonstrating talents as a cook, decorator, mother, teacher and much more. A husband should be a good provider for his family. It is his responsibility to provide the material necessities of life for the family, though, these days, wife is also a good earner. Of everything in store, it should be shared between a husband and wife, the words used should be 'we' and 'our' and not 'I' or 'you' or 'mine' and 'your'.
'Laj' runs full time Advisory and Welfare services which are freely accessible by all. Whether one is our member or not, people may contact us, without obligation, and discuss their matrimonial and other family situations. No matter how simple or complicated the problems may be, we provide help and advice, which may reduce the burden or even completely solve the problems. One should not keep a complicated issue confined to oneself; instead, consult the professionals. Full confidentiality is guaranteed.
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